Electrolytes.

It's usually at night when I start feeling all thoughtful. I got back from a day completely filled with work and I am now sitting here with my hair semiwet, the most comfortable clothes I own (tshirt, shorts/sweats duh) with a nice cup of chamomile tea. Mmmhm. Just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Primarily because I used to drink this in cold weather, you know like blizzards...etc. Funny thing is, I would usually drink this the most right before heading off to Blowing Rock Elementary but for some reason this innocent bag of tea is reminding me most about the Catholic Campus Ministry at school. Waking up those Sunday mornings (after regretful or not so regretful Saturday nights) and heading to St. Elizabeth's. Sundays were my "at peace" (mainly before the storm) days. Idk, something about going to church as soon as I woke up just made me feel so much more ready to deal with the struggles of the week. That one hour of mass is heavenly, ironic, but true. Everything seems perfect at that time, or everything feels so manageable and ok. Coming right out of church though it seems like the real world just bitch slaps you. ( Maybe those 2 words shouldn't be used in the same sentences. Eh.) When I go up to Boone next week, I only technically need to be there from Thursday to maybe Friday evening. However, I need some self namaste in my life. I really need to find that spark between God and I again, the same one I had all during lent and during the peak of my dysautonomia. No one can make that difference except me, right?
On another note, I woke up with a killer headache today. One in which I almost felt just like laying in bed all day reading. However, I remembered that I had the power to make the day atleast seem a bit better. I love all my pep-talks. Yet there are some things that I just think about all the time. My favorite is the one telling me that rap music makes me 100x happier. It's disgustingly true actually. You'd figure I'd be anti the lingo, messages and meaningless lyrics that go along with rap but it just makes you feel so badass. So that's what I did, I turned up the music real loud, had my own dance party (with all of you in spirit-in moth forms or whatever other symbolic forms) and rapped along to some of my favorites.Even if I am rapping about bitches, hoes and other nastiness. Like crumpin'. Bahah. I even spoke to Natalie about my passion for rap. As we know, Natalie Royal is a very talented musician friend of mine and will be having a summer concert tomorrow night at the Water Ice Factory. I suggested we make one song in which I'd sing (well, er rap) in one of her songs), she said she'd think on it. Today was Natalie's last night at Showmars and despite how sad that seems, it wasn't at all, it was nice to think back to all the wonderful memories and smile that they happened. Especially since....I ate a pita burger. This has been the first burger that I've eaten in literally about 3.5 months. It was so good, but not as enjoyable as I thought it would be or remember it being. Another thing that seems to be a guilty pleasure is facebook. I think I will have to say bye to effbook pretty soon, it is making me feel just like we discussed, Betty, and I do not want to fall into that again. We shall see. Alright, that's enough venting for tonight. It's time to enjoy this tea while reading and falling asleep whenever the hell I want to. Thank you blog, for being my pensieve.

"You have to find some reason for living. You have to find something to believe in and for it to work, it has to be larger than you, that you will discover that you are no enough to satisfy yourself"